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Marriages typically go through ebb and flows, as the shine inevitably begins to wear off and partners get comfortable with one another; sometimes for the better and sometimes for worse. Issues that commonly impact married couples are weight gain and decreased libidos, but again, these aren’t necessarily permanent factors.
However, in the case of one woman who recently dropped the pounds, her husband’s renewed sexual attraction to her is having an unpredictable and adverse effect. Using a throwaway account, the unidentified 35-year-old sought advice on Reddit because she said she’s now “disgusted” with her 37-year-old spouse.
“To keep it short, we have three kids, the youngest is 6 months,” she writes. “I was slightly overweight when my husband and I met when I was 26, and have steadily gained a few pounds every year since then. My husband is the same, slightly overweight and has steadily gained.”
Over the last several months, she’s been working hard to lose weight and get healthy, and now weighs less than what she did when she and her husband met. The change seems to have had a positive impact on her marriage, as she notes that her husband now seems happier, they’re having more sex, and he seems generally nicer and more romantic.
But then, the clincher: “This makes me literally hate him. I can’t stand behind around him and try so hard to pretend everything is okay. He says nice things to me or does nice things and I have to leave the room to go cry.”
“All of this is because I’ve lost weight,” she adds. “I’m so, so devastated that he’s treating me so differently. I feel like he never really loved me.”
She concludes that her feelings have never changed for her husband regardless of his weight, and says that she doesn’t know how to get over it, or if she ever can.
While it’s hard to say how authentic any Reddit story is without more context, the conversation clearly struck a nerve with many people. There have been over 2,000 comments within three days. That said, most of the top-voted comments seemed to take the side of the husband, in this case.
“Honestly, when I see my husband make any form of improvement, I find more appreciation for him and I’ve noticed it goes the same with me,” wrote one user. “It doesn’t matter if it’s weight loss, working out, learning a new language, building something, etc. The important thing is the improvement and that we’re investing in ourselves. That’s an attractive quality no matter who you are.
Another user suggested talking to her husband. “This genuinely might not be about your weight unless he has said so. This could very well be because YOU seem happier with yourself and are more open sexually. Talk to him about how you are feeling.”
“I will say this—my husband is overweight. When he loses weight I am more attracted to him not because of the weight loss but because he is happier, he has more energy and a zest for life,” the same user added. “The weight is the catalyst for the other changes because he is less tired. Just a thought.”
Another Redditor shared her own experience with a similar situation. “I’ve basically got back down to our dating weight, and it’s been my own confidence and having less hang ups that has improved our sex life,” they wrote. “He’s initiating more because he’s not getting shot down as much as he used to.”
Plenty of others likewise pointed out that, at six months postpartum, the poor wife is probably dealing with depression and mental health issues that come with birthing a child, and that eventually these feelings may pass. There were also a few suggestions that she seek the help of a therapist to break through her issues.
In any case, hopefully these two crazy kids can work it out, for the sake of both their marriage and their children.
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